SETTING LIMITS

I think a very important thing in a relationship is that you set your limits, that is, that you let your boy/girl know very clear what you will do and what you won´t do. And yes, mostly I am refering to sex, because if you dont have it clear in your head, then you might end up doing things you didn´t want to do in the first place, and that would be so hurting for you and so sad, because I think having serious regrets in the sexual theme is something very serious.
Everyone has their own limits, maybe something that is very important and hard for me, is something you don´t care about,or viceversa. That can also be translated into the sexual theme, because we are all different. But what is clear is that everyone shoul have very clear what his/her limits are. And they are called limits for one reason, that is, not to go further than those limits. Because one thing is totally clear: if you overstep whatever your limits are,you are lost. You will go further and further and someone who lives without limit regrets it later. There have to be things or acts that you forbid to your own self, and therefore know what you have to do and what you shouldn´t do.
Let´s put a non-sexual example first and then a sexual one so that you get what i mean okay?
Imagine you sometimes "steal" some cash from your parents. You look into their belongings and if you find some coins you take them. But if there are no coins, just ticket, you don´t take them. Tickets are your limit. You do take coins, but not tickets. But if one day your mom has no coins and she has maybe eight 5-dollar ticket and you decide to take one because she has a lot and she won´t notice. That moment you are overstepping your limits, and that could be very dangerous. Because now, in terms of stealing money from your father, you have no limit, and you will steal everyday more and more valuable tickets with absolutely no control. You have ignored your limit.
Now a sexual example. This is a very hypothetical situation okay maybe it may sound silly. Imagine you have a new boyfriend and you decide that until you have been dating for 6 months you won´t let him idk touch certain parts of your body, you know, intimate parts of your body. As I said,everyone has their own limits okay, maybe someone would let his boyfriend touch him two weeks after they start dating, or 5 months or one year. But imagine if one night imagine you´re alone at his house and idk you start making out and you lose control of yourself and you let him touch you in places when you had absolutely no intention of it happening. Uh oh, you have overstepped your limit, and now you might start doing all kinds of things that you didn´t plan in first place. And that may lead to you losing yourself. So be careful. One thing I would do was not to put myself in situations where I know I am more likely to do things that overstep my limits, for example, not staying alone in my bf´s house for too long, less at night, less in his bedroom IN HIS BED. But as I said each one of you knows what she should or shouldn´t do, and even more, NEVER DO ANYTHING IF YOU DON´T WANT TO. That´s very important. You can always say NO or STOP okay.
I hope I explained myself correctly :)
xoxo

RAPE CULTURE

So apparently rape culture is all around internet, especially on tumblr. I am against rape culture, and what amazed me (in a bad way sadly) about it is that even I find myself inside this stupid rape culture. Because sometimes when I´m choosing my clothes to go out, i think "Oh, this skirt is to short, i won´t wear it, I don´t want any guy to do me anything", when really it wouldn´t be entirely my fault if by some reason i got raped, the fault is of the dirty man who rapes, but the society would say something like "she was wearing a very short skirt, she was asking for it", no one can say "that man, although she was wearing a short skirt, is not an animal and therefore is very able to resist any kind of sexual impulse he may have, so it´s his fault"

For those of you who may not know a lot about this, rape culture is "a concept which links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which prevalent attitudes and practices normalize, excuse, tolerate or even condone rape"

We can see rape culture in the society in different ways: for example, girls who say to have been raped aren´t believed most of the times, girls who are raped are blamed for it because "they were looking for it" maybe for wearing a short skirt, which a girl has total right to do. The thing is that it´s not just about wearing a short skirt, but about having boobs or a good body, is the woman´s fault to have a woman´s body? Is the woman´s fault to have boobs or a vagina? I don´t think so. Men are human beings, not animals, so they´re able to resist their impulses, or at least they should be. I´m not saying sometimes girls dress like whores and that´s not right either, but that is absolutely no excuse for a girl to get raped. 

Another thing that should not be is that girls are normally scared to admit to have been raped, maybe because they think they will not be believed or maybe because the one who has raped her is a close friend or even member of the family. An that´s defintetly not right, this society, in some kind of way, must encourage rape victims to tell somebody, or to go to somebody for help, because I´m pretty sure every single rape victim should get psychological attention, being raped must be a very hard trauma.

So I just wanted to explain a little bit about this without being too boring (sorry if I have)

Here I´ll post a poem I saw on tumblr about raping (It´s not mine)

My rapist doesn´t know he´s a rapist

because my skirt was short

and my "no" was slurred

like I was teasing

I don´t know

Things went dark for a while

My friends don´t know he´s a rapist

because I don´t remember

so maybe, I said "yes"

he´s nice

nice people don´t do "that"

my town doesn´t know he´s a rapist

because I was told to "keep quiet"

so the university can "handle it"

and when they find the rape kit they lost

they´ll test it

but until then, I should move on

My body knows he´s a rapist

because it hurts to stand or sit or walk or talk

and there is a handprint on my thigh

and I don´t remember how it got there

but I remember the next morning

how he bragged about that slut he nailed

and looked and me

and he and his friends laughed

my rapist doesn´t know he´s a rapist

because I´m the only person who tells him he is

and if Im the only one to believe it

is it true?

It´s so sad this poem is so sad.

DON´T OFFER FRIENSHIP TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS LOVE

Hi babes!
Okay, so although your baby boyfriend should obviously be also your friend, your best friend, love and frienship are very different things. And there are some times when someone who loves another person is offered friendship by that other person, and that, my loves, that can´t be, I´m sorry.
Let´s see, imagine, I don´t know, let´s say, Tom and Anna are best friends okay, and Tom is in love with Anna, and he can´t be her friend anymore because that just makes him suffer because now just friendship isn´t the relationship he´s looking forward too. He may be scared to hell to tell her, of course, because if Anna doesn´t feel the same way then their friendship will break, because you can´t be friends with someone you love, that´s like a life rule. So guys I´m just saying that if you´re this Anna girl and you don´t feel the way "Tom" feels, don´t offer him friendship instead of love, because that can be so frustrating and hard. I understand you will be sad to lose that friendship, but i don´t know, maybe stay a little back for a while until his feelings go down a little bit because staying next to him will only hurt more. And if you really care for that other person you should want his best.
Or if you know someone who is a close friend is starting to like you, try to limit contact with that person, because if someone is starting to be into you, and you are all the time joking, playing, or even innocently flirting, that can increase his/her feelings and make he/she think you like her/him. So if you don´t feel the same way, although at first the other person might be a little bit startled by your sudden change of behaviour, the fairest thing for that person is if you do your best to stop that person from liking you, I know we all like to be liked by someone, but after a while, that person will ask for something more than friendship and if you don´t feel the same way and reject him/her, he/she will blame you for making him/her believe you loved him/her.
So although sometimes it might be hard, think if you were that other person, don´t offer friendship to someone who wants love. It´s not fair.

LOVE OR LUST?

So I found this poem on tumblr and it left me wondering. In case you didn´t get very well what the poem is about, it´s about a girl who loves a boy and is willing to give him what he apparently wants, that is, sex. But as she is into it, she realizes that´s not the way, that he doesn´t love her, he just WANTS HER, wants her to give him pleasure, but not out of love, out of LUST. It is very clear that she doesn´t want to, she says she feels empty and she know that is not the way they should do it. But we can also see she wants him so much, she kind of worships him, so she does as he wants. Its sad, because we can also see the girl loved him, but the boy just lusted over her. At the end, we can see he says "I want you", and something about it feels wrong, at least in my opinion. He says "I want you", istead of "I love you". I´m not judging anyone who falls for a boy who only wants sex at all okay, because if i were in that situation i don´t know what i would do, I hope I would be able to resist, but I can´t be completely sure about it. What I´m trying to say is that you have to think it seriously and be sure before you give yourself to a boy. Because when you do that, you are giving your whole self, every little piece and inch of you, and if that´s not really what you want, then don´t do it, because later you will feel bad and it will be worse. You cant confuse LOVE with LUST, it starts with the same letter, both words have four letters,but thery are so so different from each other. LUST is"uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite" , whereas love is a completely different thing. Be careful okay, don´t be like this girl, that is so blinded by the love she feels towards this guy that isn´t able to say no. I´m not saying you shouldnt have sex or anything, not at all, I´m saying that if you sleep with someone it´s because you want to, sex should not be something you feel dirty or regretful about after you practice it, it should leave you happy and with clean thoughts. And also, I´m not saying every guy who wants to have sex with you is a jerk or a pervert, I´m just saying that you should be able to identify if a guy WANTS you, DESIRES you, or LOVES you, because definetly its not the same thing.

DOES LOVE EXIST?

I´ve hear quite a lot of people denying the existence of love. And most of this people are those who have been hurt by love before. Broken-hearted people who just can´t bear to fall in love because that will only lead to sufferment. People whose parents are divorced don´t want to fall in love because they think " Yeah sure, ill fall in love, just so after a few years we break up" or boys and girls who have gone through a hard breakup and promise themselves not to fall i love again so that they won´t suffer anymore. I have seen this cases in a lot of close people and I have to say it´s so sad, at least I think it´s so sad. Because I think love exists, it´s just that nowadays in this fucking society we have the idea that if something is difficult or costs us an effort it must be ended. And that´s not the way. If something is difficult it doesn´t mean it´s not worth it, you have to fight and try to solve it together. See, I think that some couples get divorced because they don´t know how to solve their problems,and that is sad, so sad. Because if you love someone, if you really love someone, you have to fight to save the relationship. And I also say that before you accept a commitment with someone you have to be sure it´s what you want, because if you have doubts then take your time and also think of the other person, who wouldn´t want you to be with him/her if you aren´t
completely sure its what you want.
But love does exist. It may not be the kind of love in the movies where two completely unknown people meet randomly in the most surrealistic way and run away together and fall madly in love with each other and stay that way forever. I think love is when you prepare your wife a coffee, when you let your man/girl choose what to watch on television, when you listen to their problems or go to places that don´t interest you just to see the other one happy. When you choose the happiness of the other one instead of yours. So yeah, I know sometimes it may feel like love is ugly and nonexistencial, but thats not true. It just isnt as easy as it seems, but it does exist, when you meet an old couple sitting in a bench holing hands, you know it does.